Just a week after we became empty nesters, my husband had a conference at a Loews resort in Orlando and asked me to come along. I did, and brought work with me, planning to work at least part of the time from the hotel room. It sounded like a good idea; time away by ourselves in a nice resort. What did I want to do? Sleep, read books, swim, relax by the pool, eat out, talk, follow my friends and family on FaceBook and through their blogs. (See my son's blog about his year in Spain at d4willia.blogspot.com)
I was surprised when people asked me what we were going to do in Orlando - go to Disneyworld? Universal Studios? Epcot Center? Not even interested. My dad told me the Tupperware museum was not to be missed. But we missed it. And I didn't even mind. The thought of scheduling the time, fighting traffic, driving in an unfamiliar big city when we really only had part of one day (Saturday) without the conference going on, just wasn't appealing. We chose to spend it instead with Jim's cousin Rena and her daughter, and enjoyed a visit and meal with them at their new home overlooking a pretty lake. Rachel, Rena's daughter, has a nice collection of amphibian pets that we got to meet, as well as a couple of birds. She's a hands-on little girl; not scared of anything. Good for her--as a biologist, I was impressed!
I guess I'm getting truly old. It used to be that vacations were all about going places, seeing the sights, experiencing everything we could. This time I wanted peace and quiet. It was very restful - the quiet hotel room, the beautiful gardens, relaxed schedule. Just enough activity with a social dinner for the conference, an hour or two of shopping at the shops within walking distance, a visit with Jim's cousin. We could have been anywhere with nice surroundings, and I would have enjoyed it just as much. I suppose in all honesty if we had never been to Orlando or a Disney resort before we might have been more tempted to go to the theme parks. Or if we had grandkids to take along. (This is NOT a hint, Lydia and Derek!)
Life is still too full, but it's slowing down. I found time to read and think and relax, and even visit a spa. I took a water taxi between the various resort hotels to get there - free and quite beautiful.
One thing not free and that I found annoying at the resort was that everything had an 18% gratuity automatically added to the cost. Even a pedicure at the spa and lunch ordered at the pool-side restaurant. I didn't order room service because I wanted to avoid extra fees. The meal was reasonable enough, but I would prefer to do my own tipping. Oh well, I guess it's bad form to grump about a gratuity charge when the cost of the hotel was covered by Jim's employer.
A brief aside here - we learned about a fun website at the conference called Wordle.net. You can put your text, such as this blog, into their website, and they create a "Word Cloud" based on the words used. The more often the word is used, the larger and bolder it appears in the Word Cloud. It can serve as a summary for a training, an introduction, a section divider, a decoration for an event, or whatever else you can think of. I will put this blog into Wordle. I bet the word Rest shows up rather large. (To my surprise, it didn't. But common words are removed, maybe that's why.) If you want to see this blog in Wordle, click on this link here - I tried to post the Word Cloud but couldn't figure it out:
<a href="http://www.wordle.net/show/wrdl/2475390/blog1"
title="Wordle: blog1"><img
src="http://www.wordle.net/thumb/wrdl/2475390/blog1"
alt="Wordle: blog1"
style="padding:4px;border:1px solid #ddd"></a>
I mentioned not wanting to do anything in Orlando to a friend my age with slightly older children. She actually got it. Her favorite vacations were all about rest. After 23 years of rasing my kids, working full time almost all of those years, I feel tired to the bone. I don't want to join anything, take on any new projects, or even answer the phone much of the time. When did I turn so anti-social? I've always been a very social person.
I've had a sore throat and cold for a few days, running a low grade fever. I'm a terrible patient; probaby shouldn't blog until I'm better. Maybe I'll be less grumpy then. Or maybe I'm just missing my kids. Or maybe both. Anyway, thanks for indulging my meandering thoughts.
Next post - our nest will no longer be empty! Stay tuned......
Tammi
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Friday, September 10, 2010
I realized I was too busy when I tried to tell Terry that his name wasn't Terri.
First, the story. We were finally on the road headed to Colorado for two weddings in two days. My cell phone rang, but I missed the call while trying to pull the phone out of my purse. I glanced at the caller ID and it said it was from "Terry". Terri is my sister, so I hit redial. A man answered. I was startled, and said "Terri?" He said "Yes." I said "You're not Terri!" He said "Yes I AM!" I said "NO, YOU'RE NOT!" By this time my son and husband were laughing uproariously and it was beginning to dawn on me that I just might be wrong.
He told me his full name, and I realized that he was, indeed, Terry, but not my sister. He then thoroughly scolded me for something I had promised to do but not yet completed. I deserved the scolding, even though we hadn't set a date. It was a simple task and his organization was waiting on me before they could move forward with their project, and they had been waiting too long. I was just too busy with work, giving a wedding shower, hosting company over a college graduation weekend, attending and helping with graduation receptions, and all the other business of life .
About this time my sister Terri had bought me a set of paper napkins with a cartoon of a well-dressed, eager-looking lady with her hand in the air. She was saying "Pick me, I can do it, let me organize that!" The caption at the bottom read "Behold the power of caffeine." My husband Jim has been teasing me since then when I mention any plans--"how much caffeine did you have?"
I took stock of my life: President of the local affiliate of NAMI - the National Alliance on Mental Illness. This meant I planned monthly meetings, sent and forwarded many emails, found speakers, was listed on a web site--so I fielded phone calls a couple of times a week from people looking for help for themselves or their relatives, and all the other duties that went along with that job. I was also co-treasurer. Only one other officer actually had email and was an active participant with helping run the affiliate.
Board member of a local non-profit behavioral health agency, which involved once-a-month 2-hr. meetings, and a little bit of work outside the meetings reviewing materials, answering e-mails, or attending events, usually on a weekend, a few times a year.
Served as a Stakeholder member at a quarterly meeting with the administration agency of the state mental health insurance company, helping serve as the voice of the public. (Once you begin working with one agency, the others begin sucking you in....)
Church volunteer, helping with two activities; greeting for an hour at the monthly women's ministries meeting, and helping manage the Money Ministry program for my Sabbath School class, which takes a little time each week.
On top of all that I work full time, have family and friends in town that I enjoy spending time with, attend a weight loss support group every other week (or try to), try to get to the gym to work out--failing miserably there right now, have a husband, pets, a home in need of attention, a yard and garden, and would love to have some time for hobbies--reading, gardening, quilting and travel, for starters. I also have friends and family out of town that I wish I had more time to stay in better contact with as well.
I recognize that I am richly, richly blessed to have such a full life. My overburdened life is my own doing. And that's why I'm changing all that. If I did it I can undo it. So I announced shortly after that Terry scolding that I would step down from my leadership role in NAMI (it had been 3 years after all) after officer elections in August. They deserve better than I was able to give them. I thought about resigning from other activities, and I may yet, but so far I haven't. NAMI was by far the biggest time investment.
It took some wheedling, begging and cajoling, but NAMI has had a new president for a month now and I breathed a sigh of relief. I asked that my name be taken off the website, and handed over the files to the new president. Two weeks later the phone calls started--some people weren't happy with his leadership. He was changing too much too fast. I had to come back, they said. He was causing dissension, the organization would fall apart if I didn't come help work out problems at the next meeting. He was insulting people, they said. Reluctantly I agreed to at least attend the September meeting, last night. The new president asked me to be a Board Member. I hemmed and hawwed, but I managed to say no! But I did agree to help with a small fund-raising project for a new laptop. At least that's a finite project. And the meeting went smoothly--not much of the threatened dissension; but there was a little. Everyone struggles with change, even members of volunteer organizations, it would appear.
But my name is still out there. On Tuesday I had a desperate email from someone who had run out of medicine and insurance and was in a manic state. That was the day I was headed to the airport with my son, but of course I had to react--luckily help was one email away. After 3 years I knew who to call, so I didn't wait for the new president, though I filled him in later. Then yesterday there was another phone message asking about support groups - that one I'll pass on to the new president. Today my cell phone rang. My cell phone has never been on the web site, so I'm not sure how this person got the number, but it was someone from the Regional Center who needed an advocate for a complicated legal case. I gave this person a contact name and number and promised to do a little more research. I shouldn't have had that cappucino for breakfast!
Now I'm moving on to check the NAMI website to ensure my name is off their web site. AHHHRRGG--it's still my name!
Change is more difficult than I thought. I decided. I announced. I planned. I took action. And now I'm having to react as people and events keep trying to pull me back. Sometimes I feel like I'm wading through molasses, trying to make progress in my life.
My top goal is to work on my exercise and fitness because if I can improve those, I will have more energy for everything else. And maybe keep my mind clear enough to not argue with people about their own names.
Thanks for your comments - let's hear what you're changing in your life right now.
He told me his full name, and I realized that he was, indeed, Terry, but not my sister. He then thoroughly scolded me for something I had promised to do but not yet completed. I deserved the scolding, even though we hadn't set a date. It was a simple task and his organization was waiting on me before they could move forward with their project, and they had been waiting too long. I was just too busy with work, giving a wedding shower, hosting company over a college graduation weekend, attending and helping with graduation receptions, and all the other business of life .
About this time my sister Terri had bought me a set of paper napkins with a cartoon of a well-dressed, eager-looking lady with her hand in the air. She was saying "Pick me, I can do it, let me organize that!" The caption at the bottom read "Behold the power of caffeine." My husband Jim has been teasing me since then when I mention any plans--"how much caffeine did you have?"
I took stock of my life: President of the local affiliate of NAMI - the National Alliance on Mental Illness. This meant I planned monthly meetings, sent and forwarded many emails, found speakers, was listed on a web site--so I fielded phone calls a couple of times a week from people looking for help for themselves or their relatives, and all the other duties that went along with that job. I was also co-treasurer. Only one other officer actually had email and was an active participant with helping run the affiliate.
Board member of a local non-profit behavioral health agency, which involved once-a-month 2-hr. meetings, and a little bit of work outside the meetings reviewing materials, answering e-mails, or attending events, usually on a weekend, a few times a year.
Served as a Stakeholder member at a quarterly meeting with the administration agency of the state mental health insurance company, helping serve as the voice of the public. (Once you begin working with one agency, the others begin sucking you in....)
Church volunteer, helping with two activities; greeting for an hour at the monthly women's ministries meeting, and helping manage the Money Ministry program for my Sabbath School class, which takes a little time each week.
On top of all that I work full time, have family and friends in town that I enjoy spending time with, attend a weight loss support group every other week (or try to), try to get to the gym to work out--failing miserably there right now, have a husband, pets, a home in need of attention, a yard and garden, and would love to have some time for hobbies--reading, gardening, quilting and travel, for starters. I also have friends and family out of town that I wish I had more time to stay in better contact with as well.
I recognize that I am richly, richly blessed to have such a full life. My overburdened life is my own doing. And that's why I'm changing all that. If I did it I can undo it. So I announced shortly after that Terry scolding that I would step down from my leadership role in NAMI (it had been 3 years after all) after officer elections in August. They deserve better than I was able to give them. I thought about resigning from other activities, and I may yet, but so far I haven't. NAMI was by far the biggest time investment.
It took some wheedling, begging and cajoling, but NAMI has had a new president for a month now and I breathed a sigh of relief. I asked that my name be taken off the website, and handed over the files to the new president. Two weeks later the phone calls started--some people weren't happy with his leadership. He was changing too much too fast. I had to come back, they said. He was causing dissension, the organization would fall apart if I didn't come help work out problems at the next meeting. He was insulting people, they said. Reluctantly I agreed to at least attend the September meeting, last night. The new president asked me to be a Board Member. I hemmed and hawwed, but I managed to say no! But I did agree to help with a small fund-raising project for a new laptop. At least that's a finite project. And the meeting went smoothly--not much of the threatened dissension; but there was a little. Everyone struggles with change, even members of volunteer organizations, it would appear.
But my name is still out there. On Tuesday I had a desperate email from someone who had run out of medicine and insurance and was in a manic state. That was the day I was headed to the airport with my son, but of course I had to react--luckily help was one email away. After 3 years I knew who to call, so I didn't wait for the new president, though I filled him in later. Then yesterday there was another phone message asking about support groups - that one I'll pass on to the new president. Today my cell phone rang. My cell phone has never been on the web site, so I'm not sure how this person got the number, but it was someone from the Regional Center who needed an advocate for a complicated legal case. I gave this person a contact name and number and promised to do a little more research. I shouldn't have had that cappucino for breakfast!
Now I'm moving on to check the NAMI website to ensure my name is off their web site. AHHHRRGG--it's still my name!
Change is more difficult than I thought. I decided. I announced. I planned. I took action. And now I'm having to react as people and events keep trying to pull me back. Sometimes I feel like I'm wading through molasses, trying to make progress in my life.
My top goal is to work on my exercise and fitness because if I can improve those, I will have more energy for everything else. And maybe keep my mind clear enough to not argue with people about their own names.
Thanks for your comments - let's hear what you're changing in your life right now.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
This blog is all about change.
(Written on Tuesday, September 7, 2010) Today my youngest child left for a school year in Spain. I am now an empty nester. Except, of course, for the husband, 1 cat and 2 dogs of our own, and my sister's two cats and one dog that we are temporarily keeping while her house is for sale. And all the the stuff we have plus what my kids left behind. The nest is there somewhere, and I aim to find it!
Still, I've had tearful moments for days now, anticipatory grieving. As I drove to work this morning I listened to a piece on NPR about the difficulty of separating for parents leaving kids at college--in the U.S.--and that didn't help. I managed to work a while, then it was time. I told myself "Tammi, send him off with the gift of joy and anticipation for this opportunity." I reminded myself that the only guarantee we have in life is that it will change.
I drove downtown to Union Bank to pick up Euros for his trip. (Funny, that's one thing that hasn't changed--I got my first college loan from Union Bank.) I parked in front of an office building, and remembered that as a teen-ager I took piano lessons on the 2nd floor of that building, at the Beth Miller School of Music. Back then I could run up all 22 marble stairs non-stop. Beth Miller is long gone, and so is the school.
I crossed the street and entered the bank, seeing the Miller and Paine name plate on the corner of the building. It used to be a department store. I recalled shopping there with my mother, and my grandmother, and eating lunch in the tea room. Their cinnamon rolls were famous. You can still get the cinnamon rolls but you have to go to a restaurant now, called Braeda.
Driving home, I passed the Sunken Gardens, bigger and more beautiful than during my childhood. It's nice to know some things improve with age!
When I went overseas in college my parents came to the gate to see me off, and a friend that arrived late was allowed to come onto the plane to say goodbye. Today we parted with my son at Airport Security--all calm happiness, some butterflies, but no tears. Change is inevitable, and not bad. I am learning to roll with it. Today anyway. Then my daughter called from across the country as we left Omaha and talked to me all the way home. I think she had a 6th sense.
I'm home now, contemplating how I want to spend my free time this next year, how I want to change my home, my nest, my marriage, me. For now, tonight I'll eat leftovers instead of cook, pet the pets, talk to my husband and family, watch a little mindless TV, and maybe sleep in the nude.
Still, I've had tearful moments for days now, anticipatory grieving. As I drove to work this morning I listened to a piece on NPR about the difficulty of separating for parents leaving kids at college--in the U.S.--and that didn't help. I managed to work a while, then it was time. I told myself "Tammi, send him off with the gift of joy and anticipation for this opportunity." I reminded myself that the only guarantee we have in life is that it will change.
I drove downtown to Union Bank to pick up Euros for his trip. (Funny, that's one thing that hasn't changed--I got my first college loan from Union Bank.) I parked in front of an office building, and remembered that as a teen-ager I took piano lessons on the 2nd floor of that building, at the Beth Miller School of Music. Back then I could run up all 22 marble stairs non-stop. Beth Miller is long gone, and so is the school.
I crossed the street and entered the bank, seeing the Miller and Paine name plate on the corner of the building. It used to be a department store. I recalled shopping there with my mother, and my grandmother, and eating lunch in the tea room. Their cinnamon rolls were famous. You can still get the cinnamon rolls but you have to go to a restaurant now, called Braeda.
Driving home, I passed the Sunken Gardens, bigger and more beautiful than during my childhood. It's nice to know some things improve with age!
When I went overseas in college my parents came to the gate to see me off, and a friend that arrived late was allowed to come onto the plane to say goodbye. Today we parted with my son at Airport Security--all calm happiness, some butterflies, but no tears. Change is inevitable, and not bad. I am learning to roll with it. Today anyway. Then my daughter called from across the country as we left Omaha and talked to me all the way home. I think she had a 6th sense.
I'm home now, contemplating how I want to spend my free time this next year, how I want to change my home, my nest, my marriage, me. For now, tonight I'll eat leftovers instead of cook, pet the pets, talk to my husband and family, watch a little mindless TV, and maybe sleep in the nude.
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