(Written on Tuesday, September 7, 2010) Today my youngest child left for a school year in Spain. I am now an empty nester. Except, of course, for the husband, 1 cat and 2 dogs of our own, and my sister's two cats and one dog that we are temporarily keeping while her house is for sale. And all the the stuff we have plus what my kids left behind. The nest is there somewhere, and I aim to find it!
Still, I've had tearful moments for days now, anticipatory grieving. As I drove to work this morning I listened to a piece on NPR about the difficulty of separating for parents leaving kids at college--in the U.S.--and that didn't help. I managed to work a while, then it was time. I told myself "Tammi, send him off with the gift of joy and anticipation for this opportunity." I reminded myself that the only guarantee we have in life is that it will change.
I drove downtown to Union Bank to pick up Euros for his trip. (Funny, that's one thing that hasn't changed--I got my first college loan from Union Bank.) I parked in front of an office building, and remembered that as a teen-ager I took piano lessons on the 2nd floor of that building, at the Beth Miller School of Music. Back then I could run up all 22 marble stairs non-stop. Beth Miller is long gone, and so is the school.
I crossed the street and entered the bank, seeing the Miller and Paine name plate on the corner of the building. It used to be a department store. I recalled shopping there with my mother, and my grandmother, and eating lunch in the tea room. Their cinnamon rolls were famous. You can still get the cinnamon rolls but you have to go to a restaurant now, called Braeda.
Driving home, I passed the Sunken Gardens, bigger and more beautiful than during my childhood. It's nice to know some things improve with age!
When I went overseas in college my parents came to the gate to see me off, and a friend that arrived late was allowed to come onto the plane to say goodbye. Today we parted with my son at Airport Security--all calm happiness, some butterflies, but no tears. Change is inevitable, and not bad. I am learning to roll with it. Today anyway. Then my daughter called from across the country as we left Omaha and talked to me all the way home. I think she had a 6th sense.
I'm home now, contemplating how I want to spend my free time this next year, how I want to change my home, my nest, my marriage, me. For now, tonight I'll eat leftovers instead of cook, pet the pets, talk to my husband and family, watch a little mindless TV, and maybe sleep in the nude.
First, I left my oldest at the airport with two 50 pound suitcases and said, "I send you off with joy and anticipation for this opportunity" and then I cried all the way home.
ReplyDeleteShe landed in Costa Rica and lives in the jungle and when I see her in May she will understand more Spanish, be more compassionate, and hopefully will have decided on a more clear direction for her life--careerwise that is. Although she was told by the minister that picked her up that "she would be engaged by the time the year was out." I don't think anyone should take bets on this.
The following week I left my second and last at the airport with one 50 pound bag and one 25 pound bag and three carry-ons. My farewell was the same, "Have fun and take risks."
She's been in England a week; lives with a Hungarian, has been to Bournemouth and the beach, has met 150 kids from all over the world, started classes and joined Choir (that is for the Iceland trip in the spring), and eaten her first bean burrito in England.
I guess being home with a great husband and a fairly nice dog will be okay.
At least there is wistful blogging for therapy.
:)